Pickup Lines

I read somewhere that the most successfull pickupline in the modern world is “Hi, my name is Brad Pitt.” 

Unfortunately, it only seems to work for the one chap who’s already banging Angelina Jolie. It’s basically the nuclear weapon of all pick up lines. It obliterates the opposition, but the guy who can use it, doesn’t.

For the rest of you mere mortals, you’ll have to stick with the next most succesfull pick line of all time. “Hello, my name is…”

“Hello, my name is…” is so elegantly simple, that it’s power is often overlooked.

Now, I know that is just too mind numbing for some of my reading audience so I’ve put together a list of other pick up lines you could give a whirl.

  • Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?
  • Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew…
  • Are you a thief ? Because I swear you just stole my heart.
  • Nice shoes !! Wanna Fuck ?
  • Are your legs tired ? You’ve been running though my mind all day.
  • Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!
  • Do you have a mirror in your pants ? I can sure see myself in them.
  • Baby, there ain’t nothing wrong with you that shutting the lights off wouldn’t cure.
  • Do you sleep on your stomach?… Can I?
  • If you think you’ll regret waking up next to me in the morning, we can sleep till after noon.
  • Did you fart? Because you blew me away
  • You must be in a wrong place – the Miss Universe contest is over there.
  • Do you take it up the ass?
  • Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
  • Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
  • I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true
  • Excuse me, have we fucked yet?
  • Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you
  • Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
  • Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
  • Fancy a fuck?
  • I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
  • Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
  • I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.
  • Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
  • Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my
  • Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don’t you?
  • “Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this
  • Fuck me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?
  • Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
  • Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?
  • Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
  • Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [Slap] HEY! What’s wrong, don’t you like pizza?
  • I was blinded by your beauty so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
  • Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
  • I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
  • Hey Baby! I’d like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
  • I know I dont have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk.
  • Hey Baby! I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag
  • Roses !are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
  • Hey baby, let’s go make some babies.
  • Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
  • Wanna go halves on a bastard?
  • Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.
  • Wanna play lion? You kneel right there and I’ll throw you my meat.
  • POOF! (What are u doing?) I’m here, where are your other two wishes?
  • I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
  • Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
  • What do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
  • If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
  • I’m a wrestler, let me take you down.
  • Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .
  • Want to lock crotches and swap gravy?
  • Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
  • Hi, I’m a tawdry slut looking for a good time.
  • Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautifull.
  • I’m not trying to pressure you, I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
  • Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  • Do want to fuck or at least mind lying down while I do?
  • Is that top felt? Would you like it to be?
  • I am a magical being, take off your bra.
  • Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  • I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
  • Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.
  • I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
  • Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.
  • I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
  • I’m trying to be invisible.  Can you see me? How about tomorrow night?
  • I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
  • You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.
  • I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
  • I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.
  • You look life my first wife! (how many have you had?) none.
  • I want to thank you for kindly listening to me. Now grab your ankles bitch!
  • Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
  • I’d like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
  • I’m addicted to yes, and I’m allergic to no. So what’s it gonna be?
  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
  • I’d love to swap bodily fluids with you.
  • Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say… “I’m not really this tall….I’m sitting on my wallet.”
  • I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
  • I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be awake and concentual.
  • This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.
  • If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
  • If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
  • Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
  • Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.
  • I know I’m not a grocery item but I can tell when you’re checking me out.
  • My name is Your Lord and Master, but you can call me “lover.”
  • If beauty were sunlight, you’d shine from a million light-years away.
  • Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
  • Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
  • Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.
  • I heard that you’re a bird watcher (Whip out your thingy ) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
  • Life without you would be like a broken pencil…pointless.
  • Sex with me is killer…want to die happy?
  • Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
  • Every day is precious, we shouldn’t waste them. What do you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • I’m like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.
  • Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, “Now that I’ve broken the ice, will you sleep with me?”
  • Can I have directions? [“To where?”] To your heart.
  • The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
  • Are you an alien? You just abducted my heart.
  • The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
  • I hope there’s a fireman around, cause you’re smokin’!
  • Wanna fuck like bunnies?
  • If you were a booger I’d pick you first.
  • We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my place and fuck.
  • Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle.
  • You’ve been a bad girl. Go to my room.
  • What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
  • If beauty were time, you’d be an eternity.
  • Do you know karate? ‘Cause your body is really kickin’.
  • I wish you were a screen door so I could slam you all night long!
  • Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
  • Let’s go get liquored up and rape each other.
  • Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.
  • Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
  • Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
  • There is a man with a sniper rifle pointed at our head right now and he will kill you if you don’t do exactly what I say.
  • Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
  • Let’s play FireCracker !! I’ll lay on the floor and you blow the fuck out of me.
  • Let’s play Squirrell !! You lay down and I’ll bust a nut in your hole.
  • Let’s play SuperHero!! I’ll be Superman and fuck you faster than a speeding bullet.
  • I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
  • Want to party at my place ? There’s  liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
  • You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
  • Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? I’m betting nothing could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
  • You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
  • What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
  • I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.
  • Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
  • Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
  • Do you like apples? How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
  • Giant polar bear (What?) It’s an icebreaker. Hi, my name is….
  • Do you like jewels?  Suck my dick then, it’s a real gem.
  • Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go downon me, and I’ll owe you one.
  • Your so hot I get a tan just looking at you 
  • Mean people suck, nice people swallow. Which are you ?
  • I must be a snowflake, ‘cuz I’ve fallen for you.
  • First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
  • You look so sweet your giving me a toothache.
  • I’ve got a great big cock!
  • My love for you is like the universe…neverending!!
  • You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
  • If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
  • Do you like listening cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?
  •  Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
  • May I pleasure you with my tongue?
  • Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
  • I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
  • I bet you a drink I can kiss you without using my lips. (Then just kiss her) Oh well, I lost.
  • So, Is it safe to say I’m gonna score?
  • You got something on your chest: my eyes
  • You are rubber, I’m glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you.
  • Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
  • Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
  • I don’t know if you’re beautiful or not, I haven’t gotten past your eyes yet.
  • I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
  • What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
  • I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
  • Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
  • Are you gay? Wow, me neither, let’s have sex.
  • Are you gay? Wanna see what you’ve been missing ?
  • I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
  • Hi. Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don’t have sex with me tonight,  my dick is going to fall off. We don’t want that now do we?
  • Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!
  • Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
  • The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.
  • Nice fucking weather. Want to?
  • I wanna bag you like some groceries.
  • Wanna fuck, or should I call my lawyer?
  • Kiss me if I am wrong, but isn’t your name (take a guess)…Janice????
  • Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only TEN I see
  • You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don’t know if I should mount you or eat you.
  • Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under…
  • I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you?
  • Can you lick your nipples?  Can I?
  • I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.
  • Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
  • Roses are Red. Violets are Blue. I want to fuck you ?
  • Roses are red, widows wear black, what will it take to get you on your back? 
  • This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
  • I’m a necrophiliac… How well do you play dead?
  • What do I have to do to be your booty call?
  • If you talk to me, I’ll fuck you.
  • Want to make a porno? We don’t have to tape it.
  • Do you wanna go back to my place, fuck, then never speak again? I do.
  • I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?
  • I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.
  • I just popped a Viagra. So, we’ve got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
  • If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can’t sing because I just wanna fuck you.
  • You know, looking at you right now, in this light… I could fuck you.
  • Try me once and if you don’t like it, what would you have wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.
  • So do you fuck, suck and take it up the ass or am I wasting my time on a Jesus freak?
  • Hi. I’m gay, think you can convert me?
  • Grab your jacket, you’ve scored. Let’s go.
  • If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricants.
  • Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.
  • What’s your favorite sound? My favorite sound is my balls slapping your ass.
  • My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
  • I’m just looking for a friend with benefits.
  • Hi. I think your friend is really hot. Do you have a ride home or is it just going to be the three of us?
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